November 2010
22 posts
ill write a eminem style rap for you
its my final curtain today
tired of wakin up to this worthless feelin
enslaved by my passion what else can i say?
i love you and thats that.
i gave you the moon
and you gave me the sun
but its gone and done
tried to move on but all i can think about is hiw good my temple would look next to the barrel of a gun
blow my brains on my wall next to the gum we used to stick there just for fun
tried to...
im staying in bed all day. im not making any human...
i cant quit thinkin about you, so cut half my mind...
i hate the friend boundry. can i just kiss your...
“its not like that kind of love jeannine its friend love! WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO TO SHOW IM CHANGED AND I LOVE YOU?!? JEANNINE I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I LOVE MY FUCKING BROTHER AND MOM AND IM TIRED OF FEELING LIK SHIT AND CRYING BECAUSE THERES NO WAY I CAN FUCKING PROVE IT TO YOU. i just wat you back. i just want a second chance to try being together a different way where we can trust...
girls need to shut the fuck up
” i want a man thats grown up and this and that”
SHUT THE FUCK UP
your not grown up at all from the shit you told me you did your the same fuckin bitch you were when i met you doing the same shit
if it wasnt for me you would have still been on drugs and probly be a fucking whore
you fucking owe me for helping you and making you right
you try and say I need to grow up? fuck you....
IM SORRY
im a addict and im not myself and im wrong for what i said to you holly marie solar and it wasnt even me talking
im DONE
no more snorting pills, no more exessive drinking. im quitting cold turkey. ill only drink alittle bit but only on occasion. im not fuckin with pills. crushing up 10 pills and snorting them within 3 hours isnt ideal fun for the people who care about me and she sure told me quick. im DONE.
nothin but love can last forever
and im sorry.
i should have known you were a bitch when on my...
too bad your too blinded by him to see everything...
whenever i think of you
the word “played” comes to mind.
why the fuck did you decide to come in now?
back into my fucking life
even though you just came back when you needed my help STILL.
i tried packing your shit
but couldnt help but break down
im over you…why am i doing this
why the fuck am i still cryin over you if i am over you?
i dont understand why im doing this
i wish i knew…but now this is about me
so you will get your shit back...
i wanna get the chance to know you
but now everytime i look at you i just want to explode insanity
to be honest,
i have feelings for you.
i dont even know why.
maybe its because your the first girl to start talking to me after my break up.
maybe its cause you liked me for a second and i was so happy that jeannine wasnt the only one that cares only about looks
but boy was i wrong.
your...
all this bullshit with trying to just find new people
makes me realize that i miss you
fuck my stupid life.
times like this i wish time travel was possible
i hate being single
ide rather be back with you then have to live through this bullshit
someone came into my life
led my on
got me to like them
and did a 180 and went for my best friend
what the fuck? and now that friend is going on with it even though he knows i got somethin for her
some fucking brother of mine right?
what is wrong with...
wow
really annoyed and pissed off
im dead to you
a friend told me some wise words once.
he said you can love someone with everything in your being, but it be able to not work
thats how i feel with her…
i love her with everything still, but it just wouldnt work
you need to change and do some growing up
and youve probably already done some shit
ruining everything if you ever wanted to get back together
i wouldnt know what to do if...
there is no catharsis today
i feel like ill feel like this person for the rest of my life,
but its alright now. ive accepted it.
October 2010
25 posts
i hate how i moved on
but still want you back
im happy without you
but not the happy i want to be
im not sure if i want to put away all of our stuff
i havent looked at any of this shit in a while. i plan not to
why do i still wait for you
i know i have a problem. i dont want any help.
i only want her to talk to me about it
i only want her to care.
but she doesnt, so i how am i supposed to care?
when she stopped caring about me, i stopped caring about me too.
i want to tell her so badly
but shes out of my life now.
im trying to keep out of hers.
nothing i say can ever mean anything to her so i might as well just do it
but...
drowning
more and more each day
im digging myself deeper into this whole
and im pushing away people that care about me
im pushing away my conscience
just going deeper and deeper into this problem and addiction of mine…
its gone past doing it because i was sad
but now that im feeling that im over you
im doing it just because i need it
i need the two
just like how i used to need you
the only thing left of me is a...
there
is something bad building inside of me
something bad that is growing into a monster
i dont know how long it is until it comes out
and bad things will happen
the mask that is my person as you know him is about to fall off
and the true pathetic horrible monster that i am will see the light of day and breath
oh how i wait
life has no meaning
you find someone
your both in love
you fuck up
you lose her
you lose your car
your left with nothing
but pain
i dont see the meaning in life.
all i wanted to do was live to serve her and give her everything
but now that shes gone
what do i do now…
im tired of looking at all of our shit
im tired of all the crying
im tired of looking over and over again in my room for more of our things
i just want you back
i can scream to myself and clench my fists and get...
thank you
thank you for showing me what real love felt like
and what it means to love someone and be able to show them how you feel without having to be affraid.
thank you for letting me experience what being happy feels like with someone who was happy with me
thank you for giving me the best time of my life
i remember
when i was telling you along long time ago
about how sometimes when you made me super mad….it made me hate you
and you started crying because you felt so bad
ill never forget that moment in my life
because i realized how much you loved me
it made me feel so bad for the longest time
and it still does
i never wanted to make you cry jeannine
it always seemed like it was the other way...
you
im disgusted with you…
i dont even know what to do or say.
i think im starting to get over you…
im trying to turn this burning love into a burning hate…
and everything you do helps.
you want to “be single and have fun”? fuck you you dumb slut bitch
im sorry and i love you
but i hate you so much and it makes it hard to do this..
you dont even realize the half...
im trying so hard to hate you.
calling you a slut and a bitch whenever i think of you.but at the same time wondering when you will talk to me again…
it feels theres thousands of people screaming in pain inside of my body and i feel that im close to losing every thread of sanity i have left…
too bad you dont care, because your a bitch and you left me to be a slut…
and i will still...
why
i dont know why i do this … but whenever i get home and i get in my room, i shine my light on my bed hoping to see you… im not ready for this…
it still feels like your here living with me even though you moved out along time ago…
damn i miss you…
im sorry
for everything ive ever done wrong to you
i just want you back
i meant it when i told you you were my air and water
i need you to survive
im sorry. i just need you back in my life…
i read everything i did on my facebook from now to i first made it…
its so weird. its like a timeline of the passed 2 and a half years…
i did it mainly to look at all of me and jeannines comments to eachother and all that cute shit…
but now im reading everything to try and remember what my life was like before jeannine.
oh yeah, exactly the same. right before jeannine it was...
i wantmy life back
everyday i go crazy
at work i drive myself insane
at home i cant stop thinking about you
i cant stop thinking about you, us, what happened, ad how much i hate my life an myself. everything is my fault…
i wish i could just go back in time and fix all of this and do it all right…
this is what happens when i try to go back to sleep
i feel like a dog chained up to a electric shock collar.
i try to reach out to you but my leash is to short, so there you are taunting me… because i cant have you.
when i woke up today all i could thinl about was how we used to lay in my bed together.
how we used to just lay there and nap sometimes and hold eachother…
i remember how i couldnt sleep so i would just lay there with my...
it really sucks
when i look at all the pictures of us at your house with your family
how i felt so at home and liked
i felt like i was actually apart of your family
because you sure were and still are apart of mine
everyone misses you
but i miss you the most.
and now its all over.
i wish one day ide just wake up, be in my old room, on my actual bed, with you
like how we both used to snuggle close on my...
i always think
i hear your keys, purse and school stuff moving around like when you used to come home after school and walk up the stairs in my house… i wish it was actually you.
i remember how i used to drop everything i was doing once you came home from anywhere just to see you even if we were fighting… i miss that. i miss you
ive come up with what i would say to you if i ever got the chance to talk to you…
im sorry for everything. im sorry for being a bad boyfriend when i should have treated you like i always wanted to you and the way you deserve
im sorry for getting mad at you when i shouldnt have
im sorry for breathing down your neck all the time and not giving you your space when you needed it…i just...
i wish
i wish one day youd wake up next to me like you used to
and ide kiss your forhead and tell you “goodmorning baby” like i used to
and we’d be in love like we used to
and thered be nothing that could take you from me
before i was fucking stupid
before you moved in
when you used to stay the night and ide have to take you home every night
i wish i could just do it all over...
i need somewhere to hide forever
im sorry i loved you too much
all i did was hurt myself more and more
cause now im the one feeling stupid for still wanting you
when your life is just so fucking great right now care free singleness
i hate how i let you effect my life so much
i hate how i was so attached to you and how this hurts more than being stabbed in the heart
you dont want me in your life why cant i just get over you
...
it feels like i can say anything on here and noone...
want my fucking girlfriend back
youre my baby
im never gonna let you go
ive faced it
you have it in you to give me a second chance
but your scared… or something
i need you.
i feel completely lost and dead inside
like someone cut me down the middle
you werent just my girlfriend
you were my best friend
i fucking love you so much
but you dont want me in your life
and this...
life
i am really not liking life right now
i lost the love of my life, the most beautiful girl ive ever seen in the fucking world
i lost my car, my car and i had a connection and bond between me and it…
im sorry for everything i did to myself
i know that this is all my fault
if ide never had pushed her away than none of this would have happened…
i just want my fucking life back
the...
my greatest thing ever written
you were always like a celebrity to me
i couldn’t believe i had you
were perfect for each other
i cant imagine my life without you
your the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen
and i mean that to this day
i don’t think i could ever even move on without you
after everything we’ve been through
i’ve tried so hard to forget about you
i need you baby
and...